Grief

Life can be painful. Losing someone we love due to an unexpected and untimely death hurts and cuts deep into our soul causing an immense emotional wound. If our soul could bleed, we would surely need an immediate blood transfusion. A substantial part of us has been lost. We may find ourselves detaching from people and the things we once loved because right now, we just want to be alone. Not isolated, just alone. Alone to process the pain and the thoughts. Alone to deal with everything we can’t yet fully understand, and may never come to understand. Alone to scream, and alone to simply lay in complete silence. Yet, at the same time, we long for someone to be there for us. We want someone to hold us, comfort us, and talk to us. We need someone who truly understands us, without judgment, and who won’t get tired of hearing us cry and express our deepest feelings, whether it’s hurt, anger, sadness, or even resentment. We just want to pour it all out today and again tomorrow, and who knows, maybe the next day as well. We need a safe space where we can release it all, and who better to offer that than God’s Holy Spirit? Humans can be fickle. One day they are there for us, the next day, they’re not. We can’t blame them though because we understand that people have their own lives and their own problems to deal with. They get tired and need rest, but Holy Spirit never does. I’m grateful to have a constant source of help and comfort in my times of deep sorrow and despair. The outside world may see me as perfectly fine, and my text messages may say that I’m “laughing out loud”, but deep down, I’m not cracking a smile. Instead, my heart is shattered, and I am desperately trying to heal not just from this recent spear being violently pierced into my heart, but also from a life of trauma, disappointment, and rejection. It feels like grief upon grief upon grief has been stacked upon me. Where does it end? It ends in the presence of my Savior, Christ Jesus. My wounds may not heal overnight, but God’s Presence is the best Trauma & Recovery Center I could ever be in. As I fight for my life, my sanity, my destiny, and my purpose, I can feel God telling me to “rest” and let Him fight for me. The enemy has been attacking me relentlessly, but recently God told me that “resting is a weapon.” So, as I rest, I trust that God’s mighty hedge of protection surrounds me while His holy angels fight this unseen battle on my behalf. With that being said, I know that I will not stay down. I will get back up and fight again. I will fight for my family, my bloodline, and for present and future generations. This is not the end of me; it’s actually the beginning of a new me. This is what happens when we rest in the glorious presence of God and lay our burdens at His feet: A new version of ourselves evolves and emerges like never before. 🦋💚 R.I.P Daddy. I love and miss you now, forever, and ALWAYS! 😢💔